So I watched the Angry Video Game Nerd movie.  It, uh...wasn't great. Wasn't good. Wasn't even okay. It was bad, and not in a "so bad it's good" kind of way. It was a bad movie. A bad, painful movie.

I mean, it's not as if I didn't get the movie. I grew up on AVGN just like a bunch of people, I've seen a good chunk of his stuff. Granted, I kinda grew out of his dhiarrhea shitfuck shtick really quickly, but I always respected his film-making expertise. The guy knows his way around props and sets, there's no denying that. And man, I loved the SHIT out of his documentary movie, Rocky Jumped a Park Bench. Hell, I've even met him in person and talked to him a bit. James Rolfe is a really cool guy! But this movie, man. I didn't exactly have high expectations, but I was hoping for at least a chuckle. I didn't even get a smile out of it. 

I think the common excuse for the movie is that it's "supposed" to be bad, but honestly, I hate that excuse. It's weird because the movie itself brings it up, that intentionally shitty things aren't as good as just accidentally shitty things. Intentional camp CAN be done right, you just have to have rise above the camp. There has to be intelligence in your stupidity. What makes shit like Kung-Pow or Black Dynamite great is that despite the low-brow nature, despite the barely-there budget, there's some well-crafted jokes and some ridiculously clever writing. But AVGN's writing (when not informative) has never been his strong point, and that doesn't change here. There's nothing clever at all, no intelligence to be found. It's just stupid throughout its entire run, and not in any enjoyable way. 

I can't even recommend it to fans. There's not enough "fan-service" (the type that doesn't mean sexy anime stuff) to warrant watching it. It introduces so many new (awful) characters that the movie quickly becomes anything but about AVGN himself, yet it doesn't even work as a stand-alone film. When South Park got a movie, Matt and Trey knew that they had to step up their shit and make it deliver on all fronts. It stands perfectly on its own just on the writing alone. I don't exactly know who the AVGN movie was made to appeal to because even diehard fans will come away disappointed.

I hate saying this, but don't bother watching. Even at $5, hell, even if it was uploaded to youtube for free, it's not worth the TWO HOURS it would take to watch this movie. It's a shame to see some really inventive props and sets wasted on such an awful fucking script. I like Rolfe, and I feel bad for him. Nobody wants to be the person who spends years of their time and hundreds of thousands of dollars on something that's ultimately really shitty, but it happens. If he makes another not-AVGN movie, I'll give it a shot.

But hey, what the fuck do I know. I'm watching a 66-video-long playthrough of Illbleed for the Sega Dreamcast. Now THAT'S entertainment.

Leslie and I are gonne be at Cincy Comic Con this weeked! Come find us over at table B-12 in the artist's alley! See you on Friday!